My biggest fear turned into a beautiful blessing

Be the best in school, excel in uni, get a great job, save money, be safe, never risk, life is tough, always be prepared for the worst, this is mine not yours, you gotta earn what you want, God only helps those who wake up early and work hard, your efforts will pay off… I could go on an on with these narratives which have been engrained by society and family and have ruled my life. I have lived my life petrified to find myself in this scary world without a dollar in my bank account. Money has always meant success, freedom, power, status, happiness.

I have never been into fancy things nor have I every felt deserving of anything unless I worked freaking hard for it. Basics were the only things allowed; a roof over my head, healthy food, travelling, surfing and working on my spiritual awakening is really all I need. But at what cost?

Do you know how many times I have NOT enjoyed surfing (my favourite thing in the world!), because I am worrying that I may be wasting my time as I have so much work to do? First comes hard work, then you may be rewarded with some fun, always within reason, and never over indulge, as you gotta go back to “reality” and hard work.

I grew up in a family who taught me austerity and hard work. My dad always used to say: “I will give you a roof, food and education. You gotta work hard and earn the rest”. By the time I was 14 years old I was fed up to hear “No, you can’t have that”. My dream was to learn how to surf, so in order to buy myself a wetsuit and a surfboard I spent my three month summer holiday working at a bar. I would work 6-7 days a week for 12 hours, starting at 5 pm and finishing around 5 am, to earn about $20 per day. I learnt that hard work would always get me where I wanted, just as my father had taught me.

At 18 years old I left home to go live in Hawaii for six months with $300 in my pocket, ready for lots of hard work. Then soon after I moved to Australia, where I juggled uni with 3-4 jobs to pay for my life expenses, education, visas, travels, and all. I wouldn’t spend time or money on parties like every other uni student would, and would only allow myself to buy seven apples for the week – only one per day. Work work work was my life motto.

From a very young age I knew I was on my own so my savings became my one and only safety in this world. Very soon I had built up my savings to over $30,000, which was ALL the money in the world for me.

I also believed that anyone that didn’t have money to do the things they wanted was either lazy or stupid. For the first time in my life I found myself in that situation in November this year, when I was unable to attend a course at the Oneness University in India because I didn’t have the money for it.

About a week ago, I attended a Oneness Meditation in Northern NSW, where we were guided through an Obstacle Removal Process. At the start of this evening, Janet (the Oneness Process Facilitator) had asked me why I was not attending the January course in India (similar to the one I missed in November), and my only reason was related to lack of money. The obstacle I asked to be removed was a financial one: I didn’t have enough money to go to India, and I was so afraid to be in this world with no money.

During the process I got a strong Divine message saying: “At least you have the money for the flights to go India, buy them and watch miracles unfold”. I went home to tell my husband I needed to spend the last $1,500 we had to buy my flights because I had a really strong calling that I couldn’t explain or understand, but I just knew I had to be there. He agreed and off I went, flights booked. All I needed now were $5,000 to pay for the course by January 1st. I went to my altar and prayed, instantly receiving another strong Divine message: “Reach out for help and allow yourself to receive.” “Oh no” I thought… “that must be crazy, I have NEVER asked for help to anyone, it’s so wrong, what’s everyone going to think about me…”

I had to give in to all of those fears, so I set up a crowd funding campaign and shared it with all my family and friends. To no surprise, I received no replies from any of my family members except for one angry phone call from mum expressing her and my father’s disappointment that I have asked for money when I am actually a smart scientist who should be working hard instead of thinking of going to India…. Aha! This is exactly where all my fear was coming from!

Staying strong and peaceful through this process of seeing how my entire life has been ruled by this one huge block… I finally found myself with no money – exactly what I had feared my entire life! During the first week I was having fun with it seeing how far our pantry would go with out buying a thing. I got really creative using every single bit of the foods we had at home. A few days later our fridge broke, our food was spoilt and I lost hope…

Very soon, donations started to come into my crowd funding from people I didn’t even know, others I hadn’t seen in a long time, as well as people I never really expected. Every single one touched my heart with so much gratitude and hope.

This has been such a humbling experience, making me confront my fears, cultivating my hope for humanity, and strengthening my connection and trust with my Divine. Suddenly my biggest fear turned into my greatest blessing; feeling oneness, allowing vulnerability within me, being in a state of deep gratitude, and seeing this pattern dissolve within me. I now feel part of a huge universal family, so connected with my fellow human brothers and sisters.

This year has been HUGE; all about confronting my biggest fears. With a warrior-like attitude, I have honoured my heart and soul purpose, letting go of many choices I had done in my past, and patterns which do not serve me any longer.

I am now open to reach out for help, I am open to receive, I am ready to be part of our One and Only Universal Family.

If you feel inspired to help me attend the Journey Course in India this January, you can do so through my crowd funding or directly by contacting me.

As a gift to you all I leave you with this beautiful video I hope will inspire you to a state of gratefulness.

I am deeply grateful for you, and all that is. Much love to you all xx